Words Still Hurt
by My-Name-Is-Tori
Summary: Words hurt, no matter how much people try to say they don't. Warning: Character Death. Anti-bullying. Dedicated to my best friend, Jake.


**Author's Note: Bullying makes me sick. It's the reason one of my best friends, Jake, killed himself. He could not catch a break at school, and I'm too small to do any protecting. Arguments do nothing, and really, what was the point of hitting back? Jake just couldn't take it anymore. Everything in this story is true. Except for the characters. Logan = Jake. Carlos = me/Jake's little sister.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

"Dyke."

"Fag."

"Freak."

Nicknames he was called every day. Then there were the ever-so-hilarious jokes.

"Dude, are you checking me out?"

"Bet you enjoyed the showers."

"Careful, he'll rape you."

That alone was too much to deal with. Except now it was getting physical, too. The other day, one of the jocks had come up to him and shoved him into a locker, saying, "Get away from, you fag!"

It hurt. People say that words can't hurt you if you don't let them, but Logan Mitchell didn't know how to not let them hurt him. Words had hurt him all his life. First when his mom had verbally abused him, then in elementary school. Finally it had gotten better, and Logan had decided to come out. He'd fooled himself into thinking that they were more mature now and that they would accept him for who he was.

'He was wrong. He was no longer the shy, cute, nerdy kid that everyone went to for help. Now he was the gay, creepy, still nerdy kid that only his three original best friends stood by.

Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, and James Diamond had known Logan's secret long before everyone else. Things had been weird for a few weeks because James was convinced he was a sexy god that no one could resist, but eventually things fell back into the way they were supposed to be.

Logan just didn't see why he had to be bullied. Why was it so hard for people to accept differences? Was it 'they just don't trust what they can't explain?' Or were they just heartless?

Logan was so deep in his thoughts he didn't notice the jocks at first. But he definitely noticed them when a fist connected with his jaw. He flew sideways into the lockers, slamming head-first. Dazed, he slid down the lockers until he was sitting.

"Aw, the little fag can't take any hits?" the biggest of them taunted Logan. He had learned long ago not to respond. He struggled to get up, but slid back down to the floor.

"The world would be so much better if people like you were dead!" the same jock kicked at him, but his foot connected with someone else's leg.

"Back off!" a familiar voice said. Logan looked up to see Carlos grimacing with a foot imprint on his leg. Kendall and James were pushing the jocks away from Logan and Carlos.

"You okay, Logie?" Carlos grunted.

"Fine," Logan said quietly, though inside he was burning. "You?"

"I've had way worse that I've given to myself," Carlos pointed out, and he seemed to be ignoring the pain. Logan stood up with his help, glad to find that the jocks were gone.

"We'll walk you to class," Kendall offered. He and James had different classes, but Carlos had the same class as Logan for forensic science. Logan felt a bit better with his friends there, but something still wasn't right. What if the jock was right? Maybe everything would be better if he was dead.

Kendall and James hurried off to class after they made sure Logan and Carlos were inside the classroom where the teacher could see them. Logan sat at his usual spot with Carlos at the next table. A few minutes into the lesson, Carlos slipped a piece of paper onto Logan's table.

**You know that bully was wrong, right? We need you.**

'Need' was triple underlined and written four times on the page. Logan stared at it for a second before he made up his mind what to say.

_I know._

**Good. I would miss you.**

Logan blinked. It was like Carlos could read his mind. How did he know what he was planning that night? He looked at Carlos, who had widened his big brown puppy-dog eyes as wide as possible to give him an innocent look.

Logan mentally slapped himself. Carlos didn't know what he was talking about. He'd gotten hurt because of Logan, hadn't he? The bully _was_ right.

Either way, it didn't matter. Logan couldn't take much more bullying. His friends were there for him, and for that he was grateful, but they weren't always around to protect him, and Logan couldn't live in fear anymore. He didn't want to live at all.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Carlos went into Logan's room to surprise him later that night to find him passed out on his bed.

"Wake up, sleepy head!" Carlos shook his friend. Only then did he notice how pale Logan looked. How still Logan was. It was like he wasn't breathing. Carlos bent down to check Logan's breathing and pulse.

The silence hit him in the gut, hard. Carlos began to sob, and he choked on bile as well. Logan couldn't be dead! It just wasn't possible.

Kendall came up into the room a minute later, closely followed by James in time to see Carlos throw himself onto Logan's body and hold it close. He refused to let go and refused to tell them what was wrong. Kendall pulled Carlos off of Logan with difficulty and figured it out for himself and stared at his now-gone best friend. Then, James spotted a small white piece of paper on the bedside table.

"_To my friends. Thank you."_

**Author's note: Jake's sister was the one who found him. Guys, seriously, if you've ever bullied someone, apologize. DON'T bully. You never know if what you say could be the last straw. You never know if you'll push them over the edge. Seriously? People need to just grow up.**

**Before I end this rant, I would like to thank everyone in the BTR community, no matter what stories you write. Slash, odd pairings, murder, fluff, it doesn't matter. When I come on FanFiction and start reading all of the stories on here, I feel like I escape the real world, and it's amazing. So thank you for being who you are and writing stories about four goofy boys and all the problems they have. You have no idea how much they mean to me.**

**-Tori**


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